I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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