my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
