can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
