You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
