my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
