So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
