The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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