Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
