Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
