we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
