According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
