i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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