I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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