Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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