You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
