my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
