You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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