Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
