did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
