how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
