sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
