I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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