If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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