True but thats because hes a fetus.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
