I CAN MOONWALK!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
