My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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