When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
