Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize