Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
