I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
