Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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