he thought i was a dude.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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