You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
