I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
