i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
