I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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