Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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