i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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