Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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