She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
