When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
