doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dignity is for republicans.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
