they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
high people should be assigned attendants
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
