your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
