who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
