she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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