Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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