I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
