This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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