I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
