Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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