I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
