just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
