I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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