I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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