All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
