Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
