i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
