I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
