i permit you to call me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
